ten things more shocking about me than my sexual orientation.

by Michael King

It has been more than two months since the Supreme Court declared marriage to be a right for everyone, which means it also has been more than two months since I posted my coming out blog post. I spoke myself into existence – it took only a moment of wild courage – and, after a burst of insanity, life settled into routine. The sun rose and fell, and life moved forward.

We post these announcements like they are a tremendous shock. To be fair, for some people in our lives, this comes as a tremendous shock. Maybe because we are some of the first to share these stories with them, or maybe because there are stubborn barriers to acceptance. But, all things considered, I don’t think this qualifies as the most shocking confession I could utter.

So, for fun, here are ten things more shocking about me than my sexual orientation.

  1. I am allergic to chocolate. This proclamation is usually met by a gasp and then an apology. I answer by explaining that I learned about it when I was nine, all that chocolate milk in the school cafeteria, and that it was a relief because my mom thought my migraines might be from some kind of tumor.
  2. I think Jimmy John’s makes deplorable sandwiches. The bread is weirdly stale and flavorless, the meat is generally stacked to excess, and all the options overflow with condiments and vegetables.
  3. I would go car-free in a second. If it weren’t inconvenient for everyone else, I would never drive myself long distances again. I’d much prefer to move myself and everyone I love to a big city with public transportation.
  4. I am on my eighth straight year of living in a residence hall. Yeah, give that a thought. I am making life choices.
  5. I still think Blastoise is cooler than Charizard. He has cannons BUILT INTO HIS SHELL. But, yeah. Fire-breathing dragons are original.
  6. I once lied to a woman about having diabetes. It’s a long story, but the tweetable version is this: I was a server. A guest tried to get a free meal by making unrealistic claims about her diabetes. So I told her I had diabetes. We stared each other right in the eye.
  7. I want a tattoo but can’t commit. I love the idea of utilizing tattoos to express the absolutes. I just haven’t found the absolutes. My being is too transient at this time.
  8. If I could, I would make skateboards extinct. Because, when I’m walking across campus and hear one coming from a mile behind me, my anxiety slowly builds.
  9. I think Coven is the best season of AHS. The original had its merits but couldn’t find its rhythm. Asylum was dark and beautiful, especially The Name Game, but was over-stuffed with aliens. Freak Show was a haphazard mess. But Coven was delicious and fun and cohesive.
  10. I am waiting for Candy Crush to die. And so should you.
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