when i knew #32.

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“I wasn’t truly, in my heart and mind, aware I was ‘different’ from most heterosexual people for a long time in my life. I had always thought about women romantically and had relationships with women in high school and college. Although there was always a feeling in me, an attraction to men, that I couldn’t hide from.

“During my first year in graduate school, I struggled with this constant push and pull of being attracted to women and men. What is this, I would think. Am I gay? Am I straight? I was quiet about my feelings, my occasional desire to be with a man. I slowly explored my feelings and found that I was truly attracted to men and women, that bisexuality was a real and valid way to be and feel.

Being bisexual isn’t a stepping stone to fully coming out as gay, at least not for me. It is simply a part of who I am. If I fall in love with a man, I will be happy. If I fall in love with a woman, I will be happy. Being able to be true to myself allowed me to be true to close friends.

“Just this past week (very fresh), I officially came out as bisexual to my family. It was the hardest thing that I have done in my life, but all my worries and what ifs were put aside when my family hugged me and said, ‘We love you no matter what.’ My father said this to me: ‘We love you and we will always welcome you home with open arms. And whoever you like/love and want to bring home, we will welcome them with a hug and open arms as well.’

I am truly lucky.

– J

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