when i knew #35.

by Michael King

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“Well, I always knew I liked boys. That was who I was supposed to like, and I did. Up until high school, there was no question about that.

“Then, a childhood best friend reentered my life, and she was pretty much the most beautiful thing I ever saw, and only got more beautiful as we got to know each other again. I wasn’t in love, because I loved her boyfriend like a brother, and I couldn’t do that to him. But I just couldn’t get her out of my head.  Eventually, I got into ‘just-friends’ territory with her, no tension, and neither of them know to this day.

“After that, I knew that there was something different about me, but I didn’t know what it was. What to call it. Anything. Luckily, in college, I was involved with an amazingly accepting group of people, and, over lunch, I described my attraction as being to pretty much anyone. Th person, I said, mattered more to me than the genitalia. A friend said, ‘Oh, so you’re pan.’ I had no idea what it meant, but after some research, I realized that pansexual was the best way to describe how I felt about my sexuality. My ‘when I knew’ was more than a single moment; it was a series of moments over time.

– H

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